Wednesday, 16 June 2004

GENE SIMMONS-"ASSHOLE"
Mood:  d'oh
So,it's finally here.After 26 some yearz,Gene Simmons haz gotten around to creatin' some new musik.Haz it been worth the wait?Are KISS fanz(like me ya'll know)finally gettin' some new rawk n' rawl anthemz to bludgeon our hip hop neighbors and teeny bop nieces with?Has that Yosimite Sam voice of the God Of Thunder been pummeled thru our beat-up stereo speakerz again?
More than likely,and this iz coming from a General in The KISS Army,you'll be shaking your head and wondering why he feelz the need to do stuff like this.When,oh when,will The Bat Lizard learn that all we want iz for him to do the only thing he iz good at-being the blood drooling,fire breathing,Godzilla boot wearin' bass player for KISS.Tho we are all suckered into it(us KISS fanatics that iz),we really don't need the KISS condoms,Tongue Magazine,Velvet Ragnar movie rolls and KISS coffins.We just want Gene to slap on the bat wingz,stick out hiz tongue and scream that almighty scream from his finest moment "Deuce".Sebastian Bach,on a recent VH1 show said it best,"we've gotten all the comics,action figures,coffins,cars n' everything else,but what KISS fans really want IS A NEW KISS ALBUM!".Very true.
Guess Chaim wantz to spread his leather wingz a bit and try something different.Fine,should be interesting.Let's see what he's got.
First off,the cover.Genie lookz cool,I gotta admit,dressed all dapper like a member of The Hives,surrounded by a gaggle of hot women.It's what ya'd expect.Like the album title too.The word "Asshole"has become the male version of impowerment to the female "Bitch".
But,the logo lookz like some hip hop thing,and if you've been unfortunate enuff to see the video for Gene's cover of The Prodigys' "Firestarter",his obvious pandering to the bling bling worshipers iz just embarrasing.The song is basically a karaoke version,not much different than the original 'cept Simmons iz singin' it.And I can't tell if Gene in the video wants to be David Lee Roth or Zsa Zsa Gabor or Huggy Bear.Ugh.
The title track "Asshole"iz also pretty dang stinky.The lyrics,something like "you think I'm a creep/you look like a sheep"just really hurt.It hurt bad.
And there's alot of sap on this record too.KISS fans know that Gene iz a huge Beatles fan,and like his first solo album,alot of that comez thru,which really izn't a bad thing,but what the heck waz he thinking doing some kinda Hawaiian flavored type plinka plinka casio Jimmy Buffet type song to close the cd with?God,Gene,you're the master of making people want more,so what happened?After all these yearz this iz the best ya got?"1,000 Dreams"shoulda stayed on the shelf.David Lee Roth can pull it off cuz he's a California beach bum,but not the DEMON from New York!
But it'z not all hopeless,there iz actually a few killer rockers here."Sweet & Dirty Love","Weapons Of Mass Destruction","Dog"and "Carnival Of Souls"are what ya want from Simmons.Heavy thumpin' bass lines(that do sound freekin' great!),real drums and guitarz,ya wish he'd write stuff like this for KISS!And,"Waiting For The Morning Light",co-written with Bob Dylan,iz kinda neat,tho it soundz quite alot like "We Are One"from KISS' "Psycho Circus",but I loved that song so I it's almost an extention of it.
"Black Tongue",which has samples and waz co-written by Frank Zappa iz alright too.But do these songz save "Asshole?".
Just barely.But I'm warning you-only must have die hard KISS fanz need to buy it,cuz everyone else will just cringe up in the fetal position and scream for him to make it stop.
Still got the Paul Stanley solo album to look forward to,where I hear he's writting with Diane Warren and the likes,but ya kinda expect that from Paul.
How much ya wanna bet it blowz this cd out of the racks and into the bargain bins?
Now,Gene,quit all that other crap,pick up that bass and fucking kick my ass and write some new KISS songs.
Leave the bling bling at home.
Ragz Rates It A:5.75

Posted by ragzdandelion at 11:54 PM PDT

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