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Wednesday, 18 August 2004
TURKISH EXORCIST
Mood:
 smelly
When I waz a kid,one of the most frightening thingz that would acure on a mostly daily basis in 1974 waz those goddamn commercials on tv for the movie "The Exorcist".Cripes,I didn't even haveta see the whole movie to know that that waz one fuckin' scarey movie!'Course the rumours that flowed like green pee soup surrounding that movie then didn't help matters either.There were reports of people passing out,having heart attacks and eating outdated ju ju beez were rapant.
I didn't actually see the movie til' I got older and got up the nerve to watch it one sunny afternoon 'round 1982 or so.It spooked me pretty badly then too but for some odd reason I felt a need to watch the movie many times over since then and have aquired quite a love for the flick.Tho I slowly became desensitized to it all,I still feel it's the scariest damn movie ever(well,next to Leaonard Pt.6).
When they re-released the film with new footage a few yearz ago I had to see that too,picking out the new scenes n' images waz like a game of "where's waldo",course when the scene of Linda Blair skittlin' down the stairs like a crab flashed across the screen I once again had to sleep with the lights on.
Tho it freeked the living hell outa me,I still loved it and cherish The Exorcist az one of my fave moviez of all time.
So when I stumbled upon a video of "Turkish Exorcist"I jumped up and down in satanic glee knowing that my lil' demon movie experience hazn't ended yet(cuz we all know that the actual sequels nowhere near comes close to the chilling fear that the original film slapped us around with.).
Ok.Yeah,in all actuality I had no expectations of it being scarey or even remotely good,and my hunch waz correct,yet I still had to own this dreck,cuz if anything,it'll give ya whole lotta laughs.
The movie iz pretty much a scene by scene rip off,with a few tiny differences here n' there,like the possessd girl doesn't wack off on a cross but some type of knife that you'd see Conan The Barbarian wield or you don't get any of that whole subplot with the young girls' relationship(or lack of one)with her father,but that's just being nit picky.Somehow they did manage to capture the same smarmy sappy relationship between the girl and her mother(which makes me wince from the original movie),I guess giving you the case of The Wants.Ya know-I WANT THIS GIRL TO GET POSSESSED CUZ SHE'S JUST SO GODAWFUL SPOILED n' SMARMY.C'mon down,Saytan!!
Ya gets all the same stuff-her head spins around,wordz pop up on her yellow tinted stomach,she bounces up n' down on the bed,pukes,farts and talks like Gary Oldmen in "Bram Stoker's Dracula",and flingz furniture about.The best part iz when she's visited by a hypnotist who only manages to get his balls punched in.The look on his face iz worth the price of admission alone.An Oscar moment indeed!
It'z pretty much everything you'd want from a low budget foriegn rip off-constant overuse of "Tubular Bells",clunky special effects(such as a paint can shaker used on the young girls head during the medical testing scene),bad editing and Turkish Chant like singing to get the foot a tappin'!
Oh,and ya can't miss the action packed ending when the young priest punches the bejesus outta the little girl by placing YOU in the visual viewpoint of the girl!So it looks like HE'S PUNCHING SATAN OUTTA YOU!!
Oh Yeah!Great fodder for my upcoming Schlock-O-Vision show soon to be on the website for ya all to njoy.
So,Turkish Exorcist izn't scarey by any meanz.I guess,what's really scarey iz the fact that someone like me would actually ship out 20 bucks for trash such az this.
And hell,if you want Exorcist type scares I suggest ya see "Juon:The Grudge"anywayz.
That'll shit the scarez outta ya!
Til then,I'm awaitin' the Turkish "Dude,Where's My Car!"
Ragz Rates It A:5.0
Posted by ragzdandelion
at 12:10 AM PDT
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