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Monday, 17 January 2005
ART OF MODERN ROCK
This book iz freekin' heavy!I mean,tie it to someone who haz done you wrong and throw them in a river and you'll save moola on cement shoez with this baby!
And why iz it so heavy?Cuz it'z jam packed with awesome pix of Rock Posters!Coop stuff iz here.Electric Frankenstein stuff iz here(ho happens to have a killer book of thier collected posters out too).All kindz o' sweet stuff!
Ya got a few hourz to kill,pick this up(or better yat,rent a forklift and deliver it to your house).Great art,cool colors and printed on nice ink smellin' paper that'll give ya a huffers' high to boot!
But remember-Lift with your legz!!
Ragz Ratez It A:10.0
Posted by ragzdandelion
at 7:37 PM PST
Monday, 27 December 2004
THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2
"Honey,I'm falling apart on you!"
The sequel to the classic "Texas Chainsaw Massacre",released in 1986,like the original,iz a test of one'z nervez,loud & rawkus,but where the first one lacked gore it made up for it in chaos.Non stop screaming and vroom vroom chainsaw noisez made for a pretty frazzling viewing experience.
The sequel ups the gore factor waaayy up and keeps the chaos from the first,ditches the college film student documentary look,blasts out punk n' metal toonz,gets big star Dennis Hopper to play the good guy and yuks it up for dark n' chewy laughs with wacky one liners being thrown at ya in rapid pace.It'z a horrorgore houndz' wet dream!
Rob Zombie pretty much remade this film with "House Of 1000 Corpses",even using "Chainsaw 2's" Bill Moseley,who playz pretty much the same character in "Chainsaw 2".Yeah,it'z a rip off,but I tend to think of it az an homage to Tobe Hooper's filmz,tho ya'd think Zombie would try do at least come up with something new,but oh well.At least he'z ripping off a good one.
"Chainsaw 2"iz a wild spookhouse ride,just so 'out there' that ya can't help but luv it.Everything iz turned up to 10-the visuals,the screaming,the colors and the acting,oh yeah!
And the female lead iz no tuff assed Sigourney Weaver butch dyke heroine with no fear.Nope,not here baby.She's Dennis Hoppers' characters' daughter, a hysterical,screaming mimi,just plain flippin' out victim trying to make it thru the nightmare that iz Leatherface & his loveable family of wackos!One scene in particular iz one of the greatest scenes in horror,when she iz forced to wear the pealed off face of her friend by Leatherface(who actually showz some Frankenstein monster type pathos).It'z a rip roaring horrible scene of torture,yet so yukky yuk yukkity that ya can't help but love it for the whole black hearted humor that it iz.Just plain classic.
And,like the characters in the zombie classic "Return Of The Living Dead",no one iz a hero,she flips out in what I would imagine someone in that position would really react,pure fear and the need for survival,no keeping calm and kicking ass here!
It's pure gritty close to the bone losing yer marbles desperation.
AND it'z funny too!!
"The Chainsaw Iz Family!!
Ragz Rates It A:10.00!!
Posted by ragzdandelion
at 12:05 AM PST
Wednesday, 8 December 2004
Southgang "Tainted Angel"
Just stumbled upon this slab.Wouldn't have caught my eye if it wazn't for the fact that former Marvelous 3 mainman Butch Walker waz the geetarist in this band(actually,everybody but the singer waz in Marvelous 3).I dig Butch's stuff,one of the best songwriters out there,and he'z hot stuff now,everybody wantz him to produce thier records,and he's done both Avril Lavine & The Donnas...well,I mean PRODUCED them,not DONE them,but I'm veering off track.
Southgang waz one of thoze Johnny come lately "metal" bandz much like Tora Tora,Nevada Beach,Junkyard and so on,that put out a few recordz,got a little play on Headbanger's Ball then dissapeared cuz all the grungiez ruined the party by being a bunch of Debbie Downers.
Not that "Tainted Angel" iz all that great.It'z pretty much your basic standard Bon Jovi/Warrant with a kick of Skid Row thrown in early 90's rock album.It'z all radio friendly,non offensive,long haired white boy bluez rawk.Not really sleazy enuff for my taste,but Butch doez do some neato twiddly diddly geetar stuff here n' there.But all the songs sound like someone elses."Russian Roulette"soundz like a Skid Row tribute band."Boys Night Out"could be a Slaughter toon & "Love Ain't Enough" iz just a reworking of Aerosmith's worst song "Angel".
But it doezn't suck,it doezn't really rawk either.It hazn't held up well over time.Butch,Jayce & Mitch took off without singer Jesse,left the country boy rock behind and went on to better thingz with The Marvelous 3,tho,not really much bigger things.Good to see Butch haz survived it all,and I recomend any of his Marv3 stuff highly.
Ragz Rates It A:5.0
Posted by ragzdandelion
at 11:29 PM PST
Tuesday, 26 October 2004
"JU-ON","JU-ON2","JU-ON:THE GRUDGE","JU-ON:THE GRUDGE2","THE GRUDGE","MORTIIS"THE GRUDGE"
I'm a J Horror NUT.I love thier twisted little mindz,thier constant fear of wet slimey women with long stringy black hair,thier strange sense of style.So,when I stumbled upon "Ju-ON:The Grudge" earlier in the year I waz thrilled beyond belief.This movie had it all!
Originally started by Director Takashi Shimizu as a direct to video low budget haunted house story,it has since spawned three sequels and the just released American version "The Grudge" unto the world.Like the curse in the movie,it refuses to die,taking different forms,spreading thru-out the world.
Most people's exposure to Japanese Horror came walking thru thier television sets az "The Ring",based on the Japanese film "Ringu".Very dark and creepy,it waz sure to spawn a whole legion of copycats.And sure nuff,there iz,a whole galoogle of dead girls with nappy slimey black hair haunting the living in such filmz az "The Eye","Dark Water","The Phone","The Tale Of Two Sisters" & "War Of The Gargantuas".
He he-ok,I kid about the last one.
But,in reality,this whole creepygirl stuff started long before "Ringu",especially in the 1965 film "Kwaidan"
But I'm veering off track here-
Let's break it down a little here-
First there waz "JU-ON",where we are introduced to not only the haunted house,the origin of the curse and it's halpless victums,but also to the series' interesting non-linear style of story telling.We jump back n' forth in time between different people and thier misfotunes with the curse,making it confusing to some,but to me it makes for some neat turn of events that you may not catch the first time watching it,but appears suddenly from a second or third viewing.Like putting a puzzle together but your only given certain pieces at different times.
For a low budget first film from Shimizu,it's incredibly intense and forboding,immersing you in the middle of all the horror,and leaving you with a huge chunk of despair n' dread.Just plain,good ol' goddamn creepiness I hadn't seen since "The Exorcist".
Next up iz it'z sequel "JU-ON 2",where the story continues,giving us some more giblets of information about what exactly happened in the house,but still not spelling in all out in detail.Tho not az creepy az the first installment,there still iz some mighty scarey scenes.
Next up The Doozy!After the success of the first two videos,Shimizu released a full fledged theatrical version in Japan,and "JU-On:The Grudge"iz a huge hit.Word of the movie spreadz to the U.S. where fanz of horror snatch it up at comic conventions & overseas sales."Ju-On:The Grudge"iz a masterpiece of horror.We're introduced to some very interesting characters,such az a former detective who originally worked on the case of murders that happened in the house,how he iz drawn back into the case and how it not only affects him,but his wife & daughter.Once again the timeline shifts back n' forth,slowly tossing us into the mayhem and deliciously freeky fates of it's characters,where there iz nowhere to escape the curse,not even under the covers of your very own bed.It iz perhaps up there with some of my fave horror filmz of all time.
Such a huge success,it'z no wonder that Shimizu returns with a sequel-"Ju-On:The Grudge 2",where we get a look into the horror from the perspective of a tv host shooting a "reality"show.Course,thingz go awry,and more thrills n' chills insue,one in particular involves a woman who hears thumping noises in her wall and can't figure out what causes it,only to be shifted in reality to witness it's horrible truth.Some of the scarez do fall flat in the sequel,and at timez,it'z just a little too over the top,but it doez end on an interesting note,leaving room for another sequel,but with a whole new twist.CCant' wait for it!!
Hollywood,not knowing how to make scarey movies anymore that doezn't involve a guy tooling around in a hockey mask,caught on too the success of "The Ring"and sunk it's glitzy clawz into the Japanese market and got a big ol' whif of "Ju-On's" success.So they gather up some American actors,hire Shimizu,and make an English speaking version called "The Grudge".Actaully,Sam Raimi,the master behind those "Evil Dead" movies & "Spider Man",saw the original movies and loved 'em so much that he had to get them released over here.Now,knowing that 90% of the American population wouldn't sit thru a movie they had to read subtitles too,waz on to a sure bet.And it's huge!Opening night everywhere waz sold out,I couldn't get into any of the showingz,so I had to wait til a Monday night,where still there waz quite a crowd filling the seats.
I don't think audiences knew quite what to expect and quite what they were getting themselves into.Some hated it,others loved it.Roger Ebert didn't understand it.
"The Grudge"takes most of the major scenes from the four different movies,slaps them all into one movie.adds an American sublot and ups the special effects with some computer animation,but it's still basically the same story.I liked it,quite alot,but there iz something missing from it.Mayhaps I've seen the original movies so much that I'm not spooked or suprized by much of it,but it's pretty loyal to the original source material,but,maybe because we have American actors involved that it doez lose some of it's "culture shock",meaning that maybe,just maybe,The Japanese sense something deeper,more chilling than us Americans.And I'm not taking anything away from the American actors,they all did a fine job no matter what the critics may say.I mean for chrissakes,it's a horror film,what do they want from the actors,a song and dance?
The ending iz changed up a bit which I'm not too sure I liked,but the sound affects are awesome,there'z still some scenes that'll make ya jump and it's closer to the original than I expected.
Just thought it waz funny that so many Americans keep walking in and out of that house.
So the Japanese versions are better,but to even it out,I prefer The American version of "The Ring"over "Ringu",so there.
Now,completely unrelated,but yet strangely enuff,due to the timing,troll faced goth boy from somewhere over the land where The Lord Of The Rings waz real,we have Mortiis,who's new cd "The Grudge" haz now hit record storez.Mortiis,who couldn't love this guy?I mean,he wears a rubber nose and rubber ears and takez himslef incredibly serious.He'z not playing around!!He's the real deal(well,except for the rubber nose n' ears)and he's back to prove that he'z the real deal by ripping off every idea Trent Reznor haz ever had.If anyone should have a grudge,it's Trent Reznor who,even tho his 1990's industrial goth computer muzik soundz outdated now,still manages to spawn copycats and crappy wannabeez.And he didn't even have to wear rubber noses or rubber boobs.
But ya gotta love Mortiis.I mean,hey,I would kill to have a picture taken with him.That would be hilarious!
Ragz Rates "JU-ON" A 10.0
Ragz Rates "JU-ON 2" a 7.75
Ragz Rates "JU-ON:THE GRUDGE" A 10.0
Ragz Rates "JU-ON:THE GRUDGE 2" A 8.0
Ragz Rates "THE GRUDGE" A 7.0
Ragz Rates MORTIIS "THE GRUDGE" A 5.0
Ragz Rates "WAR OF THE GARGANTUAS" A 10.0
Posted by ragzdandelion
at 10:12 PM PDT
Updated: Tuesday, 26 October 2004 10:20 PM PDT
Monday, 18 October 2004
TEAM AMERICA:WORLD POLICE
Mood:
 happy
Parker & Stone have done it again!They amaze me on how they make perfect sense using complete nonsense-they did it with the South Park movie and they've done it again with Team America.This time they've used marionettes instead of construction paper to create hilariously memorable characters.They skewer everyone,from the Left to the Right and everyone inbetween,and they come out being the smart ones.The messeges in South Park are almost alwayz on the money and it'z here too.
The only thing that didn't really live it up for me waz some of the songs-tho funny-they aren't az clever az the ones in the South Park movie except for a country tune-"How Much Does Freedom Cost" & the maniacle dictator Kim Jong 11's song "I'm Ronery".
And I love comedy gagz that roll on longer than necessary,cuz I know it annoys people,so when one of the puppets pukes his guts out after a bender at the bar for about 3 minutes straight.I waz rolling.
Team America
FUCK YEAH!!
Ragz Rates It A:9.0
Posted by ragzdandelion
at 9:51 PM PDT
Tuesday, 5 October 2004
"EDGEPLAY"Soundtrack
Mood:
 party time!
The Runaways were over by the time I found out about them.They were never played on the radio were I waz a teenager.I never saw them on tv.And they were barely in the magazines.If it wazn't for good ol' Creem Magazine I wouldn't have most likely heard of The Runaways til after Joan Jett's & Lita Ford's success as solo artists.
Since then I've managed to pick up various records by them,got to know thier story pretty well and hoped that someday they could manage to get back together for a reunion tour.That would freekin' rawk!But,it soundz like that'll never happen,especially since Joan Jett haz refused to let the makers of a film about The Runaways-"Edgeplay"-use any of The Runaways actual music in the film.
So they do the next best thing-dig up old demos by Lita Ford,some live covers from The Runaways and they get perhaps the biggest influence on The Runaways-Suzi Quatro-to whip out a new toon.
And boy am I glad they did.Suzi Quatro's song "Back To The Drive",written by Mike Chapman,iz an instant Glam Rawk Classic!We're more than halfway into the year and I'm just gunna bet that "Back To The Drive"will be my pick for Song Of The Year.It's worth the price of the cd alone!Welcome Back,Suzi!!
The rest of the cd izn't bad either-We get the hear the girls onstage during a Japanese tour beltin' out a blistering cover of "Rock & Roll" and finally-remastered versions of "Cherry Bomb","Hollywood"& "School Days"!But the gem from The Runaways iz the song "Dead End Justice",where Joan & Cherie run from the law,only to be gunned down in classic bad girl style!
I can't wait to see the movie.If it's even half az good az this soundtrack,then it's gunna be great!
Long live the Queens Of Noise!
And Joan,c'mon....get the band back together!!
Ragz Rates It A:10.0
Posted by ragzdandelion
at 6:25 PM PDT
Saturday, 25 September 2004
ESCAPE FROM L.A.
Mood:
 cheeky
I know what it's like trying to get a stinkin' cigarette in L.A.I waz stuck without a pack and jonesin' for some tobacco really bad and during a fit it waz made worse when I had to walk around for over an hour to get one.
And that's all Snake Plisskin wanted in "Escape From L.A."Course I didn't have to go thru as much hell as Snake did to get one.
Everything that sucks about L.A. is covered in this movie-fake plastic people,drive by shootings,low riders,hell,even the so called Happiest Place On Earth makes a post apokalyptic appearance!
This sequel to "Escape From New York"is the ultimate in cheese.But ya know,tonight az I sat in front of the tube feeling the worn down affects of dealing with the mindless horde at work,it waz just what I needed.Stupid fun entertainment.The dialogue iz horrendous,the special effects are bad,and it's predictable,but Snake rocks!
And I want a pack of "American Spirit"cigarettes.Kinda funny seeing this "anti-American"film at this time,being that Snake must battle both the American government AND a terrorist.The messege is sappy-but all the more fitting.We're all a buncha baffoons.
Welcome to the human race.
Now I want a "Escape From Las Vegas!"
hint hint
Ragz Rates It A:6.50
Posted by ragzdandelion
at 11:39 PM PDT
Friday, 10 September 2004
The QUEEN Musical-WE WILL ROCK YOU
Mood:
 sad
I cringe everytime I see that "Mamma Mia"commercial on tv.I haven't seen the actual musical,but just by the commercial alone I can pretty much tell it's one big giant CringeFest.But people are suckers-especially people in thier 30's & 40's,cuz we'll buy anything if it makes us,even just for a few minutes, think the crap we were into 20 yearz ago may possibly still have some "coolness" value today.I'm realistic about it all,I KNOW the crap I'm into,has long lost it's relevency in todays Pop Culture,but I also know when something is sooo bad that it actually can be good.
I think,course after that said paragraph,I probably don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.Plus,for the most part I don't really like Abba anyways so who the hell do I think I am?
But I am a huge Queen fan,so here we go...
Brian May & Roger Taylor have found a new niche to squeeze what little juice iz still left out of Freddie Mercurys' corpse and created "We Will Rock You",a musical based on the music of Queen for all the middle aged rockers of yesteryear to get that "concert"experience without actually having to deal with some crappy up n' coming opening band and standing for two hours.Yep,we get all the Queen hits,played loudly,with flashy lights and awesome stage sets,but since Freddie's dead and since no one could possibly replace him(unlike The Doors who found the former Cult singer and decided to "get the band back together"),they get a guy that looks like my old buddy Roy to jump around with some other singer/dancers and put on a play like the ones you'd see in high school.
If it wasn't for the sooperdooper expensive lighting and stage effects,you'd swear it was a high school play cuz boy iz it crap.The story takes place in some sci-fi future where rock n'roll is banned,only to have it resurface when the hero of the story meets up with a gang o'outsiders who dress like I did in the 80's and they seek and search out some mythical guitar buried in a rock-y'know-that ol' sword in the stone bit.Wazn't this subject matter already covered by RUSH in "2112" and Styx in "Mr.Roboto"?Oh well,maybe the idea will work if Queen did it.
Nope.
To be fair,there iz a few good jokes here n' there and it's cool to see my old closet being raided and those clothes being worn again,but when it tries to get serious it just comes off az forced-like when one of the characters dies or when they play homage to fallen drug addicted losers(yeah,yeah-I'm talking Cobain,Hendrix & Morrison here-sorry,can't feel any great loss for artists who died cuz they shot too much heroin or whatever).I do miss Freddie big time tho,and I would've much rather seen a different celebration to his legacy than this tripe.I would have done something that didn't try to force thier cataloge into some Saturday Morning Cartoon type of story.How about a celebration of his talents by having different stories of those that were influenced by him?I see a much broader range of stories and emotions that could be covered than making Queen some type of prophets that buried thier super powers in Graceland to protect the rock n' roll God-Elvis Presley.
But the crowd ate it up anyways,nothing like seeing middle age fat people clapping along to "Radio Ga Ga" with that ol' glint in thier eye,bringin' 'em back to the day when they first smoked a cigarrete in thier high scholl buddy's van.Guess that's what it really iz all about-hell,I get the same way when I see old "Kolchack The Night Stalker"reruns on the sci-fi channel!
"We Will Rock You"now playing at The Paris Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas,is to us 30/40 somethinz what Barney The Purple Dinosaur iz to 3 to 4 year olds.
Gotta give Brian May & Roger Taylor credit for that,I guess.
Easy money baby!
...and this is Vegas for chrissakes!At least they coulda had that all girl,all naked bicycle race innit!
Ragz Rates It A:2.0
Ragz Rates It If They Had The All Girl,All Naked Bicycle Race In It A:8.0
Posted by ragzdandelion
at 12:10 AM PDT
Updated: Friday, 10 September 2004 12:25 AM PDT
Wednesday, 18 August 2004
TURKISH EXORCIST
Mood:
 smelly
When I waz a kid,one of the most frightening thingz that would acure on a mostly daily basis in 1974 waz those goddamn commercials on tv for the movie "The Exorcist".Cripes,I didn't even haveta see the whole movie to know that that waz one fuckin' scarey movie!'Course the rumours that flowed like green pee soup surrounding that movie then didn't help matters either.There were reports of people passing out,having heart attacks and eating outdated ju ju beez were rapant.
I didn't actually see the movie til' I got older and got up the nerve to watch it one sunny afternoon 'round 1982 or so.It spooked me pretty badly then too but for some odd reason I felt a need to watch the movie many times over since then and have aquired quite a love for the flick.Tho I slowly became desensitized to it all,I still feel it's the scariest damn movie ever(well,next to Leaonard Pt.6).
When they re-released the film with new footage a few yearz ago I had to see that too,picking out the new scenes n' images waz like a game of "where's waldo",course when the scene of Linda Blair skittlin' down the stairs like a crab flashed across the screen I once again had to sleep with the lights on.
Tho it freeked the living hell outa me,I still loved it and cherish The Exorcist az one of my fave moviez of all time.
So when I stumbled upon a video of "Turkish Exorcist"I jumped up and down in satanic glee knowing that my lil' demon movie experience hazn't ended yet(cuz we all know that the actual sequels nowhere near comes close to the chilling fear that the original film slapped us around with.).
Ok.Yeah,in all actuality I had no expectations of it being scarey or even remotely good,and my hunch waz correct,yet I still had to own this dreck,cuz if anything,it'll give ya whole lotta laughs.
The movie iz pretty much a scene by scene rip off,with a few tiny differences here n' there,like the possessd girl doesn't wack off on a cross but some type of knife that you'd see Conan The Barbarian wield or you don't get any of that whole subplot with the young girls' relationship(or lack of one)with her father,but that's just being nit picky.Somehow they did manage to capture the same smarmy sappy relationship between the girl and her mother(which makes me wince from the original movie),I guess giving you the case of The Wants.Ya know-I WANT THIS GIRL TO GET POSSESSED CUZ SHE'S JUST SO GODAWFUL SPOILED n' SMARMY.C'mon down,Saytan!!
Ya gets all the same stuff-her head spins around,wordz pop up on her yellow tinted stomach,she bounces up n' down on the bed,pukes,farts and talks like Gary Oldmen in "Bram Stoker's Dracula",and flingz furniture about.The best part iz when she's visited by a hypnotist who only manages to get his balls punched in.The look on his face iz worth the price of admission alone.An Oscar moment indeed!
It'z pretty much everything you'd want from a low budget foriegn rip off-constant overuse of "Tubular Bells",clunky special effects(such as a paint can shaker used on the young girls head during the medical testing scene),bad editing and Turkish Chant like singing to get the foot a tappin'!
Oh,and ya can't miss the action packed ending when the young priest punches the bejesus outta the little girl by placing YOU in the visual viewpoint of the girl!So it looks like HE'S PUNCHING SATAN OUTTA YOU!!
Oh Yeah!Great fodder for my upcoming Schlock-O-Vision show soon to be on the website for ya all to njoy.
So,Turkish Exorcist izn't scarey by any meanz.I guess,what's really scarey iz the fact that someone like me would actually ship out 20 bucks for trash such az this.
And hell,if you want Exorcist type scares I suggest ya see "Juon:The Grudge"anywayz.
That'll shit the scarez outta ya!
Til then,I'm awaitin' the Turkish "Dude,Where's My Car!"
Ragz Rates It A:5.0
Posted by ragzdandelion
at 12:10 AM PDT
Friday, 6 August 2004
ANTI FEST 2004
Mood:
 don't ask
I've got a brain bleedin' headache.Feelz like my eyez wanna crawl out thru my nostrilz and skitter across a cheese grater.
Course that all may be due to the fact that I've spent most of the day at Anti-Fest,an all day Horror punk/rock fest held at The Boston Bar & Grill here in Las Vegas.
Whatta disapointment that waz.Granted,being there for the first 8 hourz of the thing probably wazn't the best idea,that's when all the lamer bandz and the whole shebang just izn't happening for creaturez of the night.But by 8:30 at night I just couldn't take much more.Most of the time iz just sittin' around waiting for a band to come on.Frankly,it just getz boring.At first being entertained by the freekish humour of website host Malis The Great, iz all fun and gamez but even his Gwarlike with a hankerin' for cock schtick gets old after eatin' nothing but bar food,smokin' cigarettes and sittin' on uncomfortable bar stools for 8 hourz.
The few bandz that I did see AND that actually showed up were ok.Ecto 1 had some interesting death metal moments but I came here to see some horror rock and fo' thoze not in da know,THERE iz a difference.
An hour or so after that we were blessed by the prescence of another punk band called Day Of The Sick which proceeded in making everybody in the crowd uncomfortable,not so much by the angry punk all muzik,but cuz the singer,urged on by Malis The Great,took off all his clothes and danced around the bar drenched in fake blood and wigglin' hiz weenie to the beat of the band.That didn't so much bother me az did hiz horrible haircut that made him look like a naked man with cancer dancing around,which iz not what I payed the overpriced entry fee for.I waited all day 'round for thiz?Sure,ya can't get any more punk rock than that,but I waz expecting bad Halloween costumez and cheesy monster surf/garage rawk.After the show the singer,still drenched in blood but thankfully now wearing pants,did give me a sticker.
So by 8:30 and me being old and tired just got grumpy.It looked like it would be another two or three hourz before any sort of a crowd would arrive and for the bandz I really wanted to see to show up(Sin City Ghouls & The Necrotons)and I just couldn't take the waitin' anymore.I went home,took a few aspirins and stuck "The Werewolf Of Washington"in the dvd player(hey,at least there'z a midget in it!).
I can't blame Sin,the man behind Antifest,he looked like he wazn't enjoying it all that much either with bandz not showing up and the almost total lack of an audience too,but maybe it would be a better idea to not make it an all day thing,instead mayhaps just a night of it,with 3 or 4 top notch bandz,a few vendors from other sources like comic book storez or people that sell horror related items.And actually promote the darn thing so other glitterkatz n' ghouliedawgz out there would have an idea it waz actually going on.
Whatta bummer.I waz looking forward to this show.
Oh well,I did get some good newz today-The Cramps are coming to Vegas 'round Halloweenie time!
Guess there'z no such thing az Halloween in August afterall.
Except at The Ragzpad.Mmmmm....home sweet home.
Ragz Rates It A;4.75
Posted by ragzdandelion
at 10:30 PM PDT
Updated: Friday, 6 August 2004 10:43 PM PDT
Sunday, 1 August 2004
OUT FOR BLOOD(Sci-Fi Channel movie)& 30 DAYS OF NIGHT
Mood:
 irritated
Why do people insist on still making vampire moviez?It'z been done to death(no pun intended).Nobody doez anything new with it,and when they try to,they alwayz try to update them,making the vampires immune to sunlight,garlic,wooden stakes n' crosses.makin' them all into pretty faggy boyz or seductive temptresses.Real vampirez they ain't by gum!!
Well,the Sci-Fi Channel,when not making moviez based on half man,half shark creatures conjured up by Peter Benchley or whoever wrote that damn Jaws movie,has slapped yet another new bloodsuckin' made for tv shlop called "Out For Blood" on my boob tube.Sheesh,nuthin',and I mean nuthin' iz original about this crap.I can't believe Lance Henrickson haz even wasted his time with this poop.He waz in a much better vampire flicky back in the 80's called "Near Dark" or "Near Dawn" or "Near Mid Afternoon"or something and that movie kicked but,well except for the horrid ending that cured vampirism thru blood transfusion(which annoyed the hell out of me by making vampirism a lame ass biological thing instead of supernatural)."Out For Blood"haz nuthin' goin' for it.
Yet,when I think ya can't do anything new or interesting with the vampire stuff,leave it to the only truely original artform left out there to conjure up new nightmarez.Comic Books.
Steve Niles & Ben Templesmith created "30 Days Of Night".Vampires roam freely in Alaska cuz,well,it's nighttime for like a whole month there,so it'z a perfect place for the bloodsuckers to go on vacation and live it up.It's funny,creepy and fresh,yet just traditional enough to satisfy vampire loverz of all kindz.It'z bloody good fun(bad pun intended).There'z been a sequel published called "Dark Days"which I've yet to read and I believe I've heard there'z gunna be a movie too.
Tv movie sux,sink yer teeth into a funny book.
Ragz Rates "Out For Blood"-0
Ragz Rates "30 Days Of Night"-7.80
Posted by ragzdandelion
at 12:47 AM PDT
Wednesday, 28 July 2004
DOOM HOUSE
Mood:
 silly
I've been a fan of the website www.somethingawful.com for quite a while now but it waz a buddy of mine that introduced me to a little movie called "Doom House" that waz made by a coupla guyz from that website.
That same guy iz also responsible for me becoming addicted to cigarettes.Both will be bad for you're health,but they're both alot of fun regardless.
"Doom House"iz basically a home movie about a high strung guy who buyz a new house only to be haunted by a small figurine that keeps popping up,no matter how the guy triez to be rid of it.There's a much better review of it on the Something Awful website,and it's also there where you lucky bastardz get to download it in it's all glorifying full length-heck-go here-http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=1665
and turn out the lights,pop some popcorn and lsd and just see for yourself all the madness.
It's a hoot-the bad acting,the bad editing,the bad continuity-everything that makez a good movie.
Damn,how I wish we had the internet and all the computer movie making toolz at our desposal in the early 80's when that self same friend that got me hooked on coffin nails and I were in a small yet creative lil' comedy troupe called Belco.
"Doom House"would've been the kinda crap we woulda made.
Except one of us would've been dressed az a chick.
Ragz Rates It A:8.25
Posted by ragzdandelion
at 12:24 AM PDT
Updated: Wednesday, 28 July 2004 12:25 AM PDT
Wednesday, 16 June 2004
GENE SIMMONS-"ASSHOLE"
Mood:
 d'oh
 So,it's finally here.After 26 some yearz,Gene Simmons haz gotten around to creatin' some new musik.Haz it been worth the wait?Are KISS fanz(like me ya'll know)finally gettin' some new rawk n' rawl anthemz to bludgeon our hip hop neighbors and teeny bop nieces with?Has that Yosimite Sam voice of the God Of Thunder been pummeled thru our beat-up stereo speakerz again?
More than likely,and this iz coming from a General in The KISS Army,you'll be shaking your head and wondering why he feelz the need to do stuff like this.When,oh when,will The Bat Lizard learn that all we want iz for him to do the only thing he iz good at-being the blood drooling,fire breathing,Godzilla boot wearin' bass player for KISS.Tho we are all suckered into it(us KISS fanatics that iz),we really don't need the KISS condoms,Tongue Magazine,Velvet Ragnar movie rolls and KISS coffins.We just want Gene to slap on the bat wingz,stick out hiz tongue and scream that almighty scream from his finest moment "Deuce".Sebastian Bach,on a recent VH1 show said it best,"we've gotten all the comics,action figures,coffins,cars n' everything else,but what KISS fans really want IS A NEW KISS ALBUM!".Very true.
Guess Chaim wantz to spread his leather wingz a bit and try something different.Fine,should be interesting.Let's see what he's got.
First off,the cover.Genie lookz cool,I gotta admit,dressed all dapper like a member of The Hives,surrounded by a gaggle of hot women.It's what ya'd expect.Like the album title too.The word "Asshole"has become the male version of impowerment to the female "Bitch".
But,the logo lookz like some hip hop thing,and if you've been unfortunate enuff to see the video for Gene's cover of The Prodigys' "Firestarter",his obvious pandering to the bling bling worshipers iz just embarrasing.The song is basically a karaoke version,not much different than the original 'cept Simmons iz singin' it.And I can't tell if Gene in the video wants to be David Lee Roth or Zsa Zsa Gabor or Huggy Bear.Ugh.
The title track "Asshole"iz also pretty dang stinky.The lyrics,something like "you think I'm a creep/you look like a sheep"just really hurt.It hurt bad.
And there's alot of sap on this record too.KISS fans know that Gene iz a huge Beatles fan,and like his first solo album,alot of that comez thru,which really izn't a bad thing,but what the heck waz he thinking doing some kinda Hawaiian flavored type plinka plinka casio Jimmy Buffet type song to close the cd with?God,Gene,you're the master of making people want more,so what happened?After all these yearz this iz the best ya got?"1,000 Dreams"shoulda stayed on the shelf.David Lee Roth can pull it off cuz he's a California beach bum,but not the DEMON from New York!
But it'z not all hopeless,there iz actually a few killer rockers here."Sweet & Dirty Love","Weapons Of Mass Destruction","Dog"and "Carnival Of Souls"are what ya want from Simmons.Heavy thumpin' bass lines(that do sound freekin' great!),real drums and guitarz,ya wish he'd write stuff like this for KISS!And,"Waiting For The Morning Light",co-written with Bob Dylan,iz kinda neat,tho it soundz quite alot like "We Are One"from KISS' "Psycho Circus",but I loved that song so I it's almost an extention of it.
"Black Tongue",which has samples and waz co-written by Frank Zappa iz alright too.But do these songz save "Asshole?".
Just barely.But I'm warning you-only must have die hard KISS fanz need to buy it,cuz everyone else will just cringe up in the fetal position and scream for him to make it stop.
Still got the Paul Stanley solo album to look forward to,where I hear he's writting with Diane Warren and the likes,but ya kinda expect that from Paul.
How much ya wanna bet it blowz this cd out of the racks and into the bargain bins?
Now,Gene,quit all that other crap,pick up that bass and fucking kick my ass and write some new KISS songs.
Leave the bling bling at home.
Ragz Rates It A:5.75
Posted by ragzdandelion
at 11:54 PM PDT
Tuesday, 25 May 2004
SWITCHBLADE SYMPHONY-
Mood:
 caffeinated
In the same way that Goths look at the Hot Topic stores iz the same way I percieve Goth.They're embarrased to say that they actually LIKE the store.And,for me,I confess,I LIKE Goth music.Most likely for me tho,iz cuz everybody dresses like it's Halloween all year long and they worship the same idols az I-Bela Lugosi,Boris Karloff,Tim Burton & Vincent Price.
Swicthblade Sisters,a band consisting of two gothed out chickies warbling like tortured witches iz one of the big bands in the Goth scene.Kinda like what Rush iz to classic rock.Everybody has a record by them but they don't necissarily like 'em.
I don't despize them,in fact I kinda dig thier toonz,even tho they all use the same drum beat and the same vocal patterns on every synthesized Wiccan inspired ditty.Most of the time,I gather,one of the two spooky girls takes the lead singer position,but my fave iz when they both sing together,cuz they then sound like those tiny twins in the Godzilla moviez that sings "Moth-O-Rah!"to awaken tha giant moth from slumber.
And speaking of Godzilla,I truly believe Blue Oyster Cult iz THEE Original Gothic Band.They alwayz sang about nosferatus,Joan Crawford and death.I think it's high time the kidz realize this.BOC!!Yeah!And they even wrote a song about Godzilla!So,I guess BOC would be The Godzilla Of Goth and Switchblade Symphony would be the Mothra of Goth!Yep-I figured it all out for ya.
But back to the cd.It's a "live"one,course it sounds like they're playing for about 10 teenage girls with dreams of thier first lesbian kiss and they're all excited cuz after the show they get to pick out what they're gonna wear to the midnight Pagan Ritual behind Grandma's house in the woods.
But the band sounds good,it's pretty easy stuff.Turn on the drum machine,get a guy to blow The Munsters Theme on the sax and do that wierd Stevie Nicks dance in front of a strobe light and ya gots a gothic dance party.Course the moody gothiness iz all ruined when the Switchblade Sisters chirp "thank you" like Betty Boops hopped up on helium in between the songs.Ugh.Way too cutesy n'sugery for me.And here I spent hourz drawing a bloody pentagram on my rug,lit all my black candles and dug out The H.R.Giger Necronomicon for nuthin'.
Now where did I put my copy of "Cultasaurus Erectus?".
Ragz Rates It A:5.69
Posted by ragzdandelion
at 9:24 PM PDT
Updated: Tuesday, 25 May 2004 9:27 PM PDT
Wednesday, 12 May 2004
VAN HELSING
Mood:
happy
 Just got back from seeing "Van Helsing".I know alot of people are gonna hate this movie,and I waz a little skeptical at first-messing with all my Universal Horror Iconz,but really it payz alot of homage to the classics.Sure,there'z a bazillion CGI monsterz running,flying and scurrying about,but it'z alot of fun.And I love the three Dracula brides,they're sexy wicked!
The dialogue iz way over the top,az iz the accents,but in grand Universal Horror style.It's almost az if Colin Clive,Bela Lugosi & Dwight Frye trained the actors themselves on how to do it right.Kate Beckinsale iz back az an ass kicking vampire killer,basically playing the same role az she did in "Underworld",but I have no complainz about that.Hugh Jackman might az well be in his X-Men leatherz,cuz it's the same character-doesn't remember his past,scans the area for baddies with his senses and even unleashes some clawz of his own when he turnz into a were-wolverine.
It'z a comic book movie all the way-unbelievable action,over the top stunts and cool costumes make it a feast for the eyez.
And any movie that reprises the classic line from "The Wolfman"-"Even a man who is pure at heart and says his prayers by night,may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the autumn moon shines bright" getz a thumbz up.
Pinhead,Freddie,Jason and all the later day horror icons still have nothing on the unholy trinity that iz The Frankenstein Monster,Dracula & The Wolfman.
I can see it now-"Van Helsing 2"-where he takes on The Invisible Man,The Creature From The Black Lagoon and the mole people from "The Time Machine".
Reserve me a ticket!
Oh,and I really dig The Frankenstein Monsters glowing electrical brain!
Ragz Rates It A:7.0
Posted by ragzdandelion
at 10:25 PM PDT
Wednesday, 21 April 2004
FASTER PUSSYCAT "GREATEST HITS"
Mood:
cheeky
Ya can't go wrong with this!Rhino Entertainment haz put out a whole series of inexpensive cd collections called "Flashbacks",which include cd's by Tisted Sister,Devo,Dokken and more,but of course,the neatest iz this collection of cat scratch feverish glam rawk iz the most vicious and sleazy!Oh yeah!All thier best iz here,including out of print classics such az "Nonstop To Nowhere"and thier infamous cover of Carly Simon's "You're So Vain".They also include my fave,the ode to whips,chains and black vinyl s&m gear-"Where There's A Whip There's A Way".Of course there's alwayz something that'z gotta spoil the party-such az the censored lyrics of "Cathouse"but for six bux who'z gonna bitch?
It's a great idea for a series of discs,something to draw & corrupt the younginz,refresh the mindz of the oldies,and perhaps,just perhaps,inspire the masses to demand a proper album from The Pussycat.
Taime?Brent?Guyz?
I need some new pussy!!
Ragz Rates It A:9.0
Posted by ragzdandelion
at 9:40 PM PDT
L.A. GUNS @TAILSPIN 4/17/04
Mood:
caffeinated
It waz a packed house at Tailspin,a small bar in Las Vegas,filled wall to wall with longhairz & Kelly Bundys.A trip back to a better time when hair waz big and pants were tight,an morals were loose.Course all of us are in our late 30's & 40's now,but scattered amongts the crowd were twenty-somethingz,there to get a glimps of one of the 80's sleaziest bandz-L.A.Guns.
After a rousing opening set by Las Vegas band-The Underground Rebels(formerly known az Jet,Taste,The Limey Bar Stewards & The Loving Dead)the crowd waz growing impatient waiting for the Guns to rip and tear us apart.Amongst the crowd waz Jizzy Pearl(Love/Hate,Ratt,Suki Jones etc.etc.etc)And motormouth Kevin Dubrow of Quiet Riot,making thier precence known,hoping to grab a little of the cock rock girlies in the mass of hair & leather jackets.
The Guns finally hit the small stage in a flury of noise,treating us with thier classics,layin' down some groovy covers and slammin' us with the more recent toonz.Phil Lewis still haz that cool voice,and tho the Las Vegas crowdz are alwayz kinda reserved and laid back,he did his best to to rile up the gang.The only other original member of the band waz drummer Steve Riley,who kept those nifty signiture LA Guns beats goin',while new guitarist Stacey Blades(he he-get it?)did a find job filling Tracii Guns leather boots.
Soon,they'll have a new album out of covers,which they played alot of and which sound really good and still stamped with that unique sound.Looking forward to it.
I alwayz like these Hollywood Vampires,one of the few that stood out for me,with thier sleazy black leather motive and jet black hair.
But without Tracii-thier namesake-shouldn't they now be called L.A.Blades?
Tracii will be back,how much ya wanna bet,az soon az Nikki steps back into Motley Crue and out of The Brides Of Destruction.
With L.A.Guns,itz,oh baby-never enough!!
Ragz Rates It A:7.25
Posted by ragzdandelion
at 9:17 PM PDT
Thursday, 15 April 2004
WILD ZERO
Mood:
 loud
Now Playing: "You must believe in rock and roll!"
If any band in the world could save rock & roll it's Guitar Wolf.They are the loudest,coolest and baddest band of muthas in the world.In "Wild Zero",Guitar Wolf proves it.
They battle Zombies,Aliens,Evil club owners and non-believers without even breaking a sweat.
"Wild Zero",a Japanese rock n' roll action packed monster of a b-movie iz everything you'd ever want or need in a movie.It's funny,gory,rockin' and just plain inspiring.Yes kiddies,there still is real rock n' roll out there!
There's very little plot here.A young rocker kid by the name of Ace,worships Guitar Wolf(the band),falls in love with a pretty girl,gets attacked by zombies and is taught that all you really need is to believe in rock and roll to survive.
Mix "Return Of The Living Dead" with "Mars Attacks",toss in a little leather n' black sunglasses,turn the volume way up and you get "Wild Zero".
This movie needz to be shown to about 95% of the new bands out there so they know just how much they suck.Korn,Nickelback,Limp Bizkit,you name 'em,would hang up thier guitarz in a second cause they don't even come close to this band and how hard they rock.
Plus,Guitar Wolf,the guitarist,has the coolest guitar/samuari sword in the world.
This rocked my lame ass big time!
Ragz Rates It A;10.00
Posted by ragzdandelion
at 11:33 PM PDT
Thursday, 8 April 2004
SHAKIRA:LIVE OFF THE RECORD
Mood:
cheeky
She plays the guitar!
She showz animal snuff filmz!
She talks politics!
She playz the drums!
She's Shakira!Live!On a dvd!
Her music iz all over the place-from dancey Middle Eastern inspired numbers,to rock,to techno-diva,and of course-passionate Latin cha cha cha,the modern day Charo doez it all.The music's ok,tho her version of AC/DC's "Back In Black"iz pretty dreadful & weak,and she really doesn't have a very powerful voice but when it comez down to it that's not why I'm watching this dvd.
It's those hips man!
She's a glorified bellydancer.
And I ain't complainin' none!
Plus,ya just know that Shakira iz dying to really rock out.
If she woulda came out in the 80's she would've gave Lee Aaron a run for the Metal Queen title.
Someone please,let her do the rock,teach her how to scream then she would be perfect!
Az long as she doesn't get political,Yeesh.
Keep her off the drumz too.
And just show close up of "those Hips!"on the big screens instead of scenes from "Make Them Die Slowly"and she could rule the world.
Bow to the new Metal Queen!
Ragz Rates It A:5 for music,10 for the bellydancing!
Posted by ragzdandelion
at 2:39 AM PDT
BATMAN:DEAD END!
Mood:
 special
I didn't know this thing existed til I went to the Wizard World Convention in L.A. a few weeks ago.It waz runnin' on every dealers' tv's.It caught my eye and I asked what it waz.One of the dealers said it waz a short film made by some guy who waz trying to pitch it to a major film company and they turned him down.
So,it'z slapped on various websites and becomez a fanboyz dream come true.
What we have here,to make it brief,cuz the film iz only about 8 minutes long,iz an action packed fight fest with perhaps THE best visualization of Batman ever.He's stocky,grim and wearin' the old grey & blue tights.No rubber nipples here.
First he takes on a wildy insane Joker,then gets jumped by one of those black slimey Xenomorphs' from the Alien series,only to end up coming face to reggae face himself-The Predator.
It all endz up just makin' you wanting more.It looks incredible!
Someone give this guy a movie!
Granted,we really have no idea if he can handle a plot,but he definatly captured Bruce Wayne's gritty alter ego perfectly.
Get your handz on this.Before Hollywood gets ahold of it and puts the nipples back in.
Ragz Rates It A:8.75
Posted by ragzdandelion
at 2:18 AM PDT
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